Leadership is not about being flawless; it’s about being accountable. Even the most experienced leaders, with the best intentions, will occasionally get it wrong with their team members. Stress, fatigue, or inaccurate assumptions can lead to responses that unintentionally reduce trust and respect. The key question isn’t whether leaders will make mistakes, it’s how they repair the relationship when they do (Dirks et al., 2009).
Dr. Becky Kennedy, a clinical psychologist and parenting expert, popularized the concept of reparation conversations. Those intentional discussions that occur after a rupture in connection (Kennedy, 2022). While her work primarily focuses on parent-child dynamics, the principles have remarkable relevance in leadership. After all, trust and connection are just as critical in the workplace as they are in families (Gillespie & Dietz, 2009).
Why Reparation Conversations Matter in Leadership
In business, much attention is now being placed on the critical importance of leaders building and maintaining trust with their people. The challenge is we rarely talk about how to rebuild trust once it has been damaged. Leaders are often expected to model perfection, but this is both unrealistic and counterproductive. When leaders avoid acknowledging mistakes, it can create a culture of defensiveness and fear rather than openness and learning (Covey, 2006).
Trust is the currency of effective leadership. ( Lloyd, 2023). Without it, engagement dwindles, and discretionary effort, the extra energy and creativity people give when they feel valued disappears (Lencioni, 2002). Employees who feel disrespected or misunderstood often disengage, and the ripple effects on team culture can be significant.
A well-handled reparation conversation allows a leader to acknowledge a misstep, own their part, and reset the relationship. It signals humility and emotional maturity, demonstrating that the leader values the person more than their own ego or image. In doing so, leaders not only rebuild trust but also model the kind of accountability they expect from their teams (Edmondson, 2019).
Lessons from Dr. Becky Kennedy’s Work
Dr. Kennedy emphasizes that children don’t need perfect parents; they need repairing parents who take responsibility when they make mistakes. The same principle applies in leadership. Employees don’t expect perfection, but they do expect fairness, respect, and honesty (Kennedy, 2022). When leaders circle back after a difficult moment and say something like, “I handled that conversation poorly, and I’m sorry,” it creates space for understanding and growth.
Kennedy’s approach highlights three essential elements of a reparation conversation:
- Acknowledge the mistake: Name what went wrong and how your behaviour may have impacted the other person.
- Take ownership: Avoid excuses. Explain your intent, but don’t dismiss or minimize the impact.
- Recommit to doing better: Clarify what you will do differently in the future to avoid repeating the same mistake.
For leaders, this might sound like:
“I realised I cut you off in the meeting earlier. I was frustrated, but that’s no excuse for speaking to you that way. I value your input, and I’ll make sure to listen more carefully next time.”
Creating a Culture Where Trust Can Be Repaired
When leaders engage in reparation conversations, they normalize imperfection while reinforcing accountability. This creates a psychologically safe environment where team members feel comfortable admitting their own mistakes and learning from them (Edmondson, 2019). Instead of a culture built on fear of failure, you develop one where growth and improvement are encouraged.
Importantly, reparation isn’t about over-apologizing or diminishing authority. It’s about strengthening credibility through authentic ownership of one’s actions. Leaders who can confidently admit when they get it wrong earn more respect, not less, because their teams see them as both human and principled.
Moving Forward
Whether at home or at work, we will experience friction and missteps in our relationships. The true test of leadership lies in how we respond when we’ve damaged trust (Gillespie & Dietz, 2009).
Reparation conversations are not just a tool for fixing what’s broken; they are an opportunity for leaders to deepen connection, demonstrate humility, and inspire greater engagement. By borrowing from Dr. Becky Kennedy’s insights, leaders can create workplaces where mistakes are not the end of trust, but the beginning of stronger relationships.
In a world where engagement and discretionary effort are critical for success, leaders who can repair as well as lead will always stand apart.
What about you?
- When was the last time you had to repair trust with a team member, and what approach worked best for you?
- Do you believe leaders gain or lose respect when they openly acknowledge their mistakes? Why?
- How do you create a culture where trust can be rebuilt after missteps or tough conversations?
References
Covey, S. M. R. (2006). The speed of trust: The one thing that changes everything. New York, NY: Free Press.
Dirks, K. T., Lewicki, R. J., & Zaheer, A. (2009). Repairing relationships within and between organizations: Building a conceptual foundation. Academy of Management Review, 34(1), 68–84. https://doi.org/10.5465/amr.2009.35713285
Edmondson, A. C. (2019). The fearless organization: Creating psychological safety in the workplace for learning, innovation, and growth. Hoboken, NJ: John Wiley & Sons.
Gillespie, N., & Dietz, G. (2009). Trust repair after an organization-level failure. Academy of Management Review, 34(1), 127–145. https://doi.org/10.5465/amr.2009.35713319
Kennedy, B. (2022). Good inside: A guide to becoming the parent you want to be. New York, NY: Harper Wave.
Lencioni, P. (2002). The five dysfunctions of a team: A leadership fable. San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass.
Lloyd, C. (2023). Next generation safety leadership: Trust, psychological safety and high-performance teams. Brisbane, QLD: Care Factor.
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